is thiS the enD?

12:53 AM

Tuesday, October 2

well.. i went to illa, wanie and bella blog.. come to think of it.. its a sad thing... we got the up most religious ppl in our familie tree(to us it is up most laa) and we the four ppl are alwaes the one giving trouble all the time.. i mean, after kak yana, hu had keep her profile low now... we are alwaes the one being gossiped ard.. okie.. let me give a true senario.. the three mothers(mother, cik mila and cik lina) alwaes will tok to each other.. and i notice in all their convo, it alwae include at least one of us.. haix.. mother will go adeq pimpin tgn ngan jantan lain.. adeq is being mischevious.. iqah preggie.. iqah skiped sch... wanie tak alek rumah.. wanie jumpe/bwk alek jantan.. illa preggie.. illa klur mlm2.. diorg isap rkk.. diorg pemalas.. diorg tak nak kemas umaa.. diorg tak nak dengar kate.. i mean what the fuck??? are we the one alive in this werld.. when it comes to other cuzzie, stories move in slow.. when it come to us.. whoa.. cpt.. the nex thing we knew, all of them noe.. haix.. we tried our best to get to their side.. and all they see is the bad side... sometimes... i feel like giving up.. i juz feel like running awae.. but if i do that then what will my future become?? its bad enough like this.. i juz hope they can understand us.. and we can understand them.. i donno.. i wrote lots of letters telling my feelings to explain to mom y am i like this.. but she never get it.. i didnt give her.. coz when im done with it, its either i fell asleep crying, or chicken out, or got even angrier coz of what mom said..

i was cleaning my closet.. i folded all my clothes.. and under all the clothes, i found a letter.. a piece of letter i wrote.. it as 8 daes before i turn 17.. i read it and i cried.. it was a letter to tell mom how hurt i am.. she called me a useless prostitude.. alwaes going out selling my body.. omg!! and at the end of the letter this is what i wrote,"my one and only birthdae wish is to get some freedom and be like any other normal 17 year old teenage girl.. but then again.. i doubt so.. coz that will never happen....."
and yes its true.. i did get a lil more freedom.. coz im in poly, and poly sch ends late and it takes 1hr plus to get hm.. and my reason of coming hm late is sch end late.. its still same as in sec sch.. the latest i can get home then was 6 pm.. and i wud tell mom i got sch and ends late.. which is fake.. and now, i have to be back by 8.. and i wud tell mom i got sch and sch ends late.. which is most of the time is fake too.. do it is the same.. haix...
why does sis get to enjoy her 15 and 16 years old life and i got stuck with unsaid curfews?? coz if i were to come home late, it means i meeting guys.. and when i meets guy i will fuck.. and when i fuck i will come home preggie.. that is mom's wae of ideology.. haix.. and now, mom thinks her ideology is true coz bella got preggie too.. yayness to her..

now i understand why i dont reallie care what course i take or what job i take.. coz mom will not like what i want.. and to please her, i will do what she like.. like fer instance, i took multimedia course and make the best out of it.. i took a maths coz mom sae i am good at maths and she like that subject.. and "yay" i got a maths.. i never had a sae in what i want.. and when i got a maths and failed the subject she sae i am useless.. and i shud not take a maths in the first place.. if i were able to make my own decision i will able to take d&t or pure bio or something.. but hey.. i did my best in a maths and yay i passed it in the end.. which mom sae i will never.. when i passed, all she sae is, "okie.. bagoz.. nanti besok ibu belanja adeq" which never happens.. and recently i passed my first sem exams, she saes" okie.. u can do better.. pegi layan nuryna" i was like what.. ferst she doubt me.. the that is all.. no werds of congratulations?? when sis improved her maths in pri sch.. which the result still fail, she buy her things.. she congratulate her.. wow.. i am amazed..

i remembered crying on the fone with this special someone.. he encouraged me.. saeing that every teenager will go tru this.. he encouraged me to stay strong.. all his werds were fresh in my memory.. and hey.. this is not bad.. i mean some ppl get worse then me.. aniwae.. i got too much carried awae.. i went tru typing all this but my main motive is to sae this to the other three of us...

listen up guys...
to bella: at least u realise what u have done.. and your mom is strong.. dun be sad that she regret she have u.. coz u realise and try to put ur best foot forward.. coz there is someone worse than u.. that is siti.. he make donno how manie gerls preggie and still dont realise his wrong.. and to make it worse she try to tok to him, he never listen.. he got tagging, tattoos, and all.. but still sae his mother is wrong.. and even worse, he dun even respect her.. even after trying to werk hard fer her familie and make the best fer every one.. he and his sister dun even appreciate it... and if u need someone, we(okie at least i) will be there.. to listen to u.. to cry with u.. to laugh and crap it with u.. and if u donno how to sae it.. well, we can msn, or tok tru blogs or tag boards.. or we can write letters.. like we used too..

to wanie: ye.. its alwae the malay ppl... but if you want to do ur part, then try to help one of those brainless ppl.. and maybe they realise it.. and soon they will help another one.. the that another one will hep another one.. ect.. and yes.. good idea to get married soon.. but when u do, dun ferget ur parents..

to illa: u are not the black sheep.. things juz were to happen.. and instead of thinking of all that, think of the brighter side.. even tho its not a good one.. like at least they/we get the experience.. we learn to overcome it... or we are juz generating the familie.. heheh.. do the familie generation wont die out.. hahahx..

to all: we can make a better out of this.. juz keep on trying and keep on being there of one another.. one dae, they will realise that even tho we are those mischievous ones, we can succeed..

and last of all.. i lurve u ppl.. and i will try to help u guys if i cud... so dun worrie and be happy...
things will brighten up..