welcome.
when you are in love, the world will never matter to you..
until that love one left u dead on the ground..
so no matter what, find your stand and keep on going strong..
hover around to find the navs.
justTHREEwords
iLOVEyou*
three cheers for me.
she is the one and only
adeQ. and totally heads and heels over
Reduwan.
adeQ is 18 in the year 2008. she is currently studying in nanyang poly.
10:14 PM
Monday, August 13
firstly, a lot of things had happen.. from the last post till today.. that is 4 days.. okie.. here goes nothing.. on the 9 it was the national holiday. went out in the morning then came back home to enjoy the performance with a comfort of a home... but generally the performance did not wow me.. it was not that superb as last time and it was not what i expected.. then on the 10 i had to go to school to hand in GD project.. spent the whole freaking day in school.. i spend the night before finishing up the GD so by the time i meet ira everything is settle.. since i did not get any sleep, i went to afghan to get cigarette.. then off to school.. when i reach there, i asked erwin regarding the 10 thumbnails.. i forgot to bring it with me, and he says we had to hand it in.. so i had to go home to get it.. went back home and get it.. i was god damn pissed off by then.. i spend my whole morning in the but called 72 from tamp to sch back to tamp then again to school.. the whole total journey took 3 hours and 30 minuted.. so print the hell ect and paste it.. got problems and solved it.. soon it was close to 4.. i was very hungry as i got no money after buying cigarette thus no food fer the whole day... i quickly went to nekx as bell promised to meet up there... but the food not ready and the is only veggie to go along with ice.. i was almost dying.. then meet him, he sent me homw, then we had a great long deal of talk.. more bout it later.. it was a very hetic day for me.. i was so tired after all the crap that i fell asleep quite quickly.. on the 11 i did not do much i guess.. coz i could not remember what i did on that day.. 12 went to 352 to study wif bell.. our fav spot to study.. we get to see the peps downstairs plaing ball and free wind and peace mind...
today.. stayed up coz had to hand in GD CD.. haix... i did not want to hand in the CD by myself so i asked(okie almost begged bell to accompany me) so wanie decided to accompany me... chg of plan.. then darl fizah called me.. and broke the news... bout that later too.. i was so meshed up.. so went out to clear my mind off.. had dinner at mac then home.. mom bought this stupid thing to curl her hair.. and i had doubt it will work.. well.. i help her do it coz dad donno how to do it.. and she is pissed off wif dad as dad kept on doing it his way which is wrong... hahahx...
well.. the later parts all come in here.. coz it is all about him.. firstly, we had the biggest fight.. i just could not get it.. for one moment he says this.. the next moment he says that.. and will get bloody pissed off at me.. i understand that he is stress at work but he dont need to pick up the phone and vent his pissed-ness at me.. then say sorry... its like you were tired after a long day.. he called you and you were hoping you call talk to him and chill your mind out... hoping he will end your day nicely.. but when u picked up the phone and try to talk to him.. he gets pissed off.. then he start attitude... you get pissed off, so you started to yell at him(being natural me, when im pissed off, i tend to yell at people..) then he feel better or realized that you are totally upset already.. he said sorry to pissed you off.. well.. its like he expect this.. ' he pissed you off, then say sorry and expect that the word sorry will ease yourself and you will feel calm.. and everything goes back to normal.. like as if it did not happen..' i was so hurt... i need some one to lean on... tru this situation im going tru i need a shoulder to cry on.. with his harshness, he is the cause of my hurt even more... i began to give up... i told him never to make me give up as the cause will be bad.. anw.. he then know what i was suffering since i was there fer him.. but it too late.. i had been patience to him.. but its like he takes it fer granted... and it reached my limits.. i want my say too.. i want to do things i like too.. but he wants everything to go his way... that is so not fair.. he had once promised me that he will not make me be upset fer no reason or not for my fault.. but i told him... i dont want promises.. all i want is fer you to prove it to me.. coz i doubt that you can.. i dont want empty promises.. i dont want promises to be broken... i dont like it.. its like when i was wif nat.. i promises not to let go of his hand until he let go of mine.. i promised that.. but i could not fufill that.. i feel bad.. so i dont want promises.. in a relationship there is no need to promised.. coz if you love that special someone, you will automatically not do that something that your special someone dont like coz you loved him/her too much to risked it... and if a promised is made, then eventually the task is more of doing it to keep to the promised instead of coming from the bottom of your heart.. but he kept on doing it... kept on hurting me... i started to cry and cry everyday.. but it got even worse... i started to cry whenever im alone.. firstly i feel so lonely.. i got no friends.. and him being like that.. i got confused... so i guess it ended last night when i was so pissed off.. then today while i was next door.. i recieved a call from fizah.. telling me that he got himself into an accident.. i donno what to say.. in fact i donno what i felt... i pang of guiltyness flow into my body... i felt i wanted to visit him.. talk to him.. but if i meet him, it shows that i wanted to be with him.. but i donno if i want to be with him... im so confused...
i need help.. i think i need to see a counsellor.. but i dont want to... need to go back to school to pay my fees.. first day of hungry ghost festival... i need to help but i am unwilling to listen.. i need some advise but im afraid of them..
