still me..
still the same..
no more feel of eelysha but juz the new old plain me..

i donno..
i did my best..
i tok to him..
we tok it out..
cry it out..
i assume i was okie..
but no..
i get pissed off so easily..
it cudnt be pms..
coz i had neva got those..
even i did it was mostly controlled..
tis time..
i broke down all the time...
i cry..
all in my head..
but y am i dumb..
still going to others and listening to them..
still lending my sholder fer them to cry..
if its darling A i understand..
coz i was alwaes there..
but others??
i dun get it??
y? so dumb??
such a stupid arse hole...
y?
y?
y?
i donno..
i offer my help so easily..
but my veri own self..
not taken care properly..

i didnt tok much to him..
y??
to avoid me frm getting pissed off due to no reason..
then he will be pissed off or hurt..
tats not my motive..
then wad's was it??
y am i so hurt??
what wrong wif me??

well..
im getting it all out tml..
when he is at sch..
a plan of telling adults tat im off to werk..
but on my own im going off to my fav place..
where i can get h2o, sodium chloride, and glass..
the nearest one..
to ease my self..
im going along..
i brought my clothes..
extra clothes..
a short yet simple dress..
the one i wore to go there on my ferst anni..
extra clothes if i get wet..
a tank top and skirt..
and a plain T to go to werk..
haiz..
fuck the kid!!
im onli 17!!
i juz turn 17!!
everyone expect to take care of this bb not mine..
SHE IS NOT MY CHILD..
i got nolife..
no life..
ppl direct me..
ppl tot im brigt..
ppl tot i can do this..
i can do that..
so they keep on directing me..
then wad bout my choice??
wad bout my prefrence??
wad bout my way??
i felt like chi-yo in geisha..
or better known as sayuri..
in the book a quote like," its not wad you want. being a geisha is neva how you want ur life to go...howeva you follow where it lead to.."
like wad nana wud sae..
like a stupid gong-gong..
as hurt i am i got to move on..
juz a brave front to mask to ppl..
but i only open it at nite wen i sleep and when i face this screen..
this is where i tell my truth..

my prepaid was burned..
he suspect im having an affair..
(wth!!)
i gez so ar..
coz juz now wen i ask to transfer 1 credict to me..
he go"asl?? nak msg org lain ke?"
fuck sia..
no trust...
fuck fuck..
im going crazie..
hell to all..
hell to bitches..
be glad that i onli will yell at you if you piss me off..
coz i have a feel of violance..
tat idiot who stare at me tis morning..
i want to kick his dick and jump at his face..
but he look yoo muscline to me..
so to hell to him..
curse him to go to hell..



gtg..
crazie bella want to go out..
to go to t.mall..
which is across the road..


im actualli at lina's house..
full house..
fucker..
daa ar..
crazie beautiful bitch want to go out..
for nicotine...
hell..
im tired laa....
tired of everything..
not to u but to donno wad..
i donno..
tired then my life i gez..
bye..



u noe wad i wanna sae..
so i wont sae..
but then i'll juz sae if u d0nno...
love u...










haiz..
ouh hurt..
please please go awae!!!